over-thinking anyone?

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why do i tend to care more than others? or do they really care just as much, i just show it more? or do i just think i show it more? i tend to feel like i am the one reaching out, the one doing the initiating… i also spend most of my time with people that are NOT my age. currently, it is mostly younger than me, but it’s always both for me. i tend to have more friends older and younger than me, than actually my age. why is that? and is it bad? or what does it say about me? as far as the caring more, i think it’s because i tend to only have a few close friends. i am not a person that lets others in easily, and when i do, cling to them with all my might. when i decide that i truly enjoy someone’s company, i desire nothing more than to be around them. this applies to guys and girls alike, and in a friendship sense. now, normal people like their space, lol, and then there’s me. i get my space in the morning and the evening. i don’t need much, and the couple hours a day i get are enough. i would prefer to spend my day around people i desire to be with, all day. or if i am doing nothing, i would rather be doing nothing at someone else’s house. i guess maybe it boils down to love languages? the two most important to me are quality time and words of affirmation… totally tied. then closely following is physical touch. all three are totally crucial to me feeling appreciated and loved by those around me. if we don’t spend a great deal of time together, and/or people do not express to me with their words what i mean to them, i feel empty. same with physical touch, but i must be careful with that one. mainly, i desire hugs like no tomorrow, and just physical interaction in like a sibling sense. this is not me asking people to do that, it’s just how i function… we all have love languages. we all crave love in our own way. love is the root of everything we do. we desire to love and be loved. and this is not necessarily in a romantic way, in fact it is most often NOT in a romantic sense. anyways, huge tangent…. basically, when left to myself, i go crazy. but i think most people that know me, knew that already. honestly, a day alone is the worst thing in the entire world for me. a day with just MY thoughts and just myself means insanity. i will drive myself insane over-thinking and overanalyzing every aspect of my life. therefore, i do all that i can to be around people. well, people that i care about and care to be around. however, that cannot always be. i guess sometimes it just feels like someone is more important to me than i am to them, and that gets frustrating sometimes. i think it is rare for me to have a friend where we mean just as much to each other. someone always cares more. even just keeping in contact. people lose touch and forget. out of sight out of mind. i will admit that is glorious when you can get back together after two years and it is like you never left each other. the truth is, you did. people usually do not mean “keep in touch” when they say it. granted, it is a great little fantasy to hope in, but it only lets you down. people lose touch, and for me personally, it tears at my heart. how could i have once meant the world to you, and now we don’t even talk? or how could have once been so close and spent so much time together, and now i rarely hear from you? then when i DO talk to these people, it’s because i initiated it. i guess i expect too much of people…. we all function differently. we all let each other down in ways we don’t even know. solution though? help? lol. i pity the man that marries me… i desire companionship more than anything in this world. not just as in marriage, but as in friendships as well. but that’s the level i think at, companion. not friend or acquaintance, but companion. good news, i will never let a companion down, ever. i am loyal and dependable to the max. i suppose i merely desire life-long friendships/relationships, and when i see hope of one, i grab tight. then, i am disappointed when they turn out not to be. i exert too much energy…. i might eventually delete this post, lol.aye.

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Filed under Life, friends, people, relationships, thoughts

Tags: friends, love languages, over-thinking