happiness is a choice

sometimes i forget that….

it’s been my motto for ages now, and sometimes i forget that happiness truly is a choice. it is my choice to be angry, or upset, or emotional about something. and it is also my choice to be happy.

life is too short to be sad or angry about anything or at anyone. it’s just not worth it. though it may be difficult at times, happy is the only way to be. negativity isn’t worth the stress.

someone i respect recently said to me, “stress makes you old, fast. no need to be negative, life’s over soon enough.”

why focus on negative things when there is so much to be happy about?

i choose happiness and joy <3

i don’t get it anymore…

is there something wrong with me?

there must be.

void of all meaning

i wish more people *actually* cared…

there’s a white flag waving where my heart is on the ground…

i changed my mind. no post. i’m a selfish, self-centered human being that is lonely and desperate for meaning.

time to take a step back and re-evaluate life.

that’s all.

i was thinking, over thinking

i think i’ll blog more so that i bother other people less…

expect another entry later today.

unavoidable attachment?

why do our hearts often attach to and desire things that it should not? do we let it? it is unavoidable? i feel like if there is an attraction and chemistry there, it’s almost impossible to avoid and deny the attraction. but then, why would we be attracted to things that we should not? something we know is not good for our hearts, yet we long for it. that desire is so deep that it is near impossible to suppress. the point was, we often cling to things that we should not. use your brain and figure why i bothered typing this.

disorientated and disincluded.

can someone shut this thing off?

i hate the things i think about at 2 and 3am.

i miss people, things, places. memories flood my mind. i long for things that once were and have been. what ifs surge through my mind like oxygen… emotions are high. crying may or may not occur when pondering current circumstances. doubt fills my heart. anger swells within me. my face becomes swollen and puffy. i should be sleeping, but i cannot. my brain will not let me. i do not desire sleep, i desire understanding. i long for answers to the questions that are keeping me awake. “why” is the most popular beginning among them. shouldn’t i be remembering God’s love? shouldn’t i be thinking of the things i am grateful for in my life? not dwelling on the things that are bringing me down and tearing me apart. not lingering over the things that are simply just wrecking me. why is so hard to think upon the good things? the things i miss always seem trifling, yet clearly have great importance to me since i am preoccupied by them. do i sound more sophisticated late at night? my brain seems to be more alert and alive. it is also pathetic and completely infuriating me. is it really so hard to just trust God? is it really that difficult to find joy in times of trial? yet i harp on about my misfortune and ill circumstances. woa, where did that memory just come from? put that back from whence forth it came at this instant. hey, brain, we’re supposed to be asleep, remember? you know, rest? that thing normal people do. can’t these thoughts wait until morning? oh, they can’t? right, i won’t remember them and i won’t be alone with the silence of the night. well, fine…. if we must…. let us toss and turn until we are so exhausted we collapse. bring it on.

stupid brain.

my head is to blame for all my heart’s mistakes.

i don’t know how to blog vaguely about life’s tragic problems, so i won’t. just, know that i want to.

life sucks. that’s really all you need to know, or care to know.

actually, sucks isn’t even appropriate… tragedy, disaster, catastrophe, dreadful, abominable, atrocious… those words are better.

she’s going the distance.

i was thinking today (watch out!) while i was driving. you know how there’s those people that gun it when the light turns green? yea, those stupid people that waste their gas? well, what’s interesting to me is that i end up passing them shortly thereafter anyways. so, why do they bother doing that? they are just wasting gas, and i end up flying past them anyways. silly people. then, i realized, that’s totally how i am with the rest of my life. i am a little slow of the starting block, but once i get going, watch out! it’s weird to think about, but it’s totally true. when starting something, i rarely ever just dive in. i step back, examine the situation, then attack. take my relationships for example. it takes me awhile to decide that it’s something i want. once i do, i’m in head over heels. i am so committed and immersed, it will take the jaws of life to rip me away, if you ever do. when i meet people, i do the same thing. i’ve discussed this before. i make the WORST first impression, but that gives me time to step back and people watch in order to determine who is worth my time. people that intrigue me draw me in and i desire more. at that point, i pursue and begin letting you in. once you’re around the brick wall and i trust you, i won’t ever let go. you can count on me until the end of time. two of my strongest character traits are being dependable and loyal. i will be both to you, forever, dear friend. this theory goes with any project i decide to endeavor. slow getting going, but once i put my nose down, it will be done. and it will be so fantastically amazing you won’t even believe it. i was even this way with swimming when i used to swim competitively. sprints were not my forte because everyone was always faster than me off the block. now once things got past 100m, i won, always. i just had a steady pace that i could keep forever. long distance races are my forte. anything that takes time and investment, it’s my area of expertise. anyways, that was my profound thought for the day…. k thanks!